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Vladimir Malakhov “came up here. Essays on nationalism, racism and cultural pluralism “

We sometimes want mutually exclusive things: on the one hand, get rid of migrants, on the other, to remain inhabitants of an economically prosperous democratic country.

We sometimes want mutually exclusive things: on the one hand, get rid of migrants, on the other, to remain inhabitants of an economically prosperous democratic country. Philosopher and publicist Vladimir Malakhov believes that the mechanisms of xenophobia, a negative attitude towards “strangers” are the same all over the world. However, in our country, the situation is aggravated by the fact that ethnic differences are superimposed on social and economic contradictions. Exploring

Igrani na poleđini, zajam je udoban položaj i dodiruje klitoris. Neka se partner umetne u vaš prst i tražit će samo kamagra tablete otekline iznutra. Nastavite milovati klitoris, a partnerov zadatak – istražuje točku pronađenu, čineći razne prste prstiju. Tako možete zamijeniti prst penisom ili seksualnom igračkom i nastaviti “razvoj”.

the phenomena of racism and the opposing cultural pluralism, the author addresses such the most important issues as the ratio of individual and national, personal and general, cultural and biological both within the framework of a separate person and within the boundaries of the entire society.

  • The racist lives in each of us?

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When the relationship of mother and daughter is like madness

What is more in them – love or aggression, mutual understanding or co -dependence? The psychoanalyst talks about the deep mechanisms of the unique connection of the mother and daughter.

Special relationship

Someone idealizes his mother, and someone admits that he hates her and cannot find a common language with her. Why is it such a

Choix. Par exemple, avaler ou non le sperme pendant une pipe. Tu ne l’aimes pas? Ne faites pas cela. Si cela, un homme a toujours deux secondes avant que l’éjaculation puisse avoir le temps de vous avertir. Il suffit de cuisiner une serviette à acheter kamagra en france afin de ne pas teindre les draps. Mais si vous avalez toujours, alors faites-le s’il vous plaît sans grimace dégoûté. L’un de nous est désagréable de ressembler à une fille préférée avec un visage déformé dans la salle de bain!

special relationship, why do they hurt us greatly and cause such different reactions?

Mother is not just an important character in the life of a child. According to psychoanalysis, almost the entire human psyche is formed in an early relationship with the mother. They are not comparable to any others.

Mother for the child, according to the psychoanalyst Donald Winnikott, is actually the environment in which its formation occurs. And when relations are not formed as a given child would be useful, his development is distorted.

Practically, relations with the mother determine everything in human life. This has a great responsibility to the woman, because the mother never becomes a person for her adult child, with whom he can build equal trusting relationships. The mother remains with nothing and with no one comparable figure in his life.

What does the healthy relationship of the mother and adult daughter look like?

This is a relationship in which adult women can communicate and negotiate with each other, live a separate life – each of their own. They can be angry with each other and not agree on something, unhappy, but at the same time, aggression does not destroy love and respect and no one takes away their children and grandchildren.

But the relationship between the daughter with the mother is the most difficult of the four possible combinations (father -son, father – dech, mother -son and mother -daughter). The fact is that the mother for her daughter is the primary object of attachment. But then, at the age of 3-5 years, she needs to transfer her libidinous feelings to her father, and she begins to fantasize: “I, when I grow up, get married on dad”.

This is the same Edipov complex that Freud opened, and it is strange that no one did this to him, because the attraction of the child to the parent of the opposite sex was noticeable at all times.

And this mandatory stage of development of the girl is very difficult to pass. After all, when you begin to love dad, mom becomes a rival, and both of you somehow need to share daddy’s love. It is very difficult for a girl to compete with her mother, still for her beloved and important. And mom, in turn, is often jealous of her husband to her daughter.

But this is only one line. There is a second one. For a little girl, a mother is an object of affection, but then she, in order to grow and become a woman, needs to be identified with her mother.

There is some contradiction here: the girl has to love her mother at the same time, fight her for her father’s attention and identify with her. And here there is a new difficulty. The fact is that mother and daughter are very similar, and it is very easy for them to identify with each other. The girl is easy to mix her and maternal, and her mother is easy to see in her daughter her continuation.

Many women really distinguish themselves and their daughters poorly. It looks like psychosis. If you ask them directly, they will object and say that they distinguish everything perfectly and do everything for the good of their daughters. But at some deep level, this border is blurred.

Caring for her daughter is also a care of herself?

Through her daughter, the mother wants to realize what she did not realize in life. Or something that she loves very much. She sincerely believes that her daughter should love what she loves, that she will like to do what she herself is doing. Moreover, the mother simply does not distinguish her and her needs, desires, feelings.

You know jokes like “put on a hat, I’m cold”? She actually feels for her daughter. I recall the interview with the artist Yuri Kuklachev, who was asked: “How did you raise children?”He says:” And this is the same as with cats.

It is impossible to teach a cat any tricks. I can only notice what she is inclined to, what she likes. One jumps, the other plays with the ball. And I develop this inclination. Also with children. I just watched what they are, what they go out. And then I developed them in this direction “.

This is the reasonable approach when they look at the child as a separate creature with their personal characteristics.

And how much we know mothers who seem to show care: they drive children in circles, exhibitions, concerts of classical music, because by their deep sensation this is exactly what the child needs. And then they also blackmail them with phrases like: “I put on you all my life” that cause a tremendous guilt in adult children. I repeat, it looks like a psychosis.

In fact, psychosis is a indulgency of what is happening inside you, and what is outside. Mother is outside her daughter. And the daughter is outside her. But when the mother believes that her daughters like the same as her, she begins to lose this border between the inner and outside world. And the daughter has the same.

They are the same sex, they really are very similar. Here the topic of divided madness arises, a kind of mutual psychosis, which applies only to their relationship. If you do not observe them together, you can not notice any violations at all. Their communication with other people will be quite normal. Although individual distortions are possible. For example, this daughter with women’s type women-with bosses, teachers-female women.

What is the reason for such a psychosis?

Here it is necessary to recall the figure of the father. One of his functions in the family is at some point to stand between his mother and daughter. So there is a triangle in which the daughter has a relationship with his mother, and her daughter with her father, and mother with her father.

But very often the mother tries to arrange so that the communication of her daughter and her father go through her. The triangle is destroyed.

I met families where this model is reproduced in several generations: there are only mothers and daughters, and the fathers are deleted, or they are not divorced, or they were not there, or they are alcoholics and have no weight in the family. Who in this case will destroy their proximity and merger? Who will help them separate and look somewhere else, except at each other, and “mirror” their madness?

By the way, you know that in almost all cases, Alzheimer or some other types of senile dementia of the mother call daughters “mothers”? In fact, in such symbiotic relations there is no distinction, who whom. Everything merges.

The daughter should be “daddy”?

You know how the people say? In order for the child to be happy, the girl should be like dad, and the boy to mom. And there is also a saying that fathers always want sons, but love more daughters. This folk wisdom is quite consistent with the well -trained mental relations. I think that a girl who grows up a “mother’s daughter” is especially difficult to separate from her mother.

The girl grows up, enters into a childbearing age and is, as it were, on the field of adult women, thereby pushing her mother in the field of old women. This does not necessarily happen at the moment, but the essence of the changes in this. And many mothers, without realizing, worry it very painful. Which, by the way, is reflected in folk tales about the evil stepmother and young stepdaughter.

Indeed, it is difficult to endure that the girl, daughter blooms, and you are aging. The teenage daughter has her own tasks: she needs to separate from her parents. In theory, the libido, which awakens after the latent period of 12-13 years, should be turned from the family outside, to peers. And the child during this period should leave the family.

If the connection of the girl with her mother is very cramped, it is difficult for her to break out. And she remains a “home girl”, which is perceived as a good sign: a calm, obedient child has grown. In order to separate, overcome the attraction in such a situation of merger, the girl should have a lot of protest and aggression, which is perceived as a riot and damage.

It is impossible to realize everything, but if the mother understands these features and nuances of the relationship, it will be easier for them. I was somehow asked such a radical question: “Is my mother obliged to love her mother?”In fact, the daughter cannot help but love her mother. But in close relationships there is always love and aggression, and in the relationship of the mother of this love of this love and aggression the sea. The only question is that it will win – love or hatred?

I always want to believe that love. We all know such families where everyone treats each other with respect, everyone sees a person in another person, an individual person, and at the same time feels how dear and close he is.


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